Where have you been??

Or rather, where have I been???  Not on this blog -- that's for sure.  Never a dull moment around here, and I'm feeling guilty that it's taken me so long to document.  I really want to keep up with this for me and for my children (and for the two or three of you who read it when bored).  So now is my perfect opportunity.

Who wants to talk about how awesome it is to have a stomach virus when your husband is out of town???

Me neither.  So I'll just vomit photos on my blog instead :).  That was really gross . . . 

I'm able to stomach some saltine crackers and sit up a bit so here goes:

Mimi has been doing well in school and her after school classes, and she's making some really sweet friends.  It does break my heart when she asks about her besties in Chicago and why we had to move.  Like I have to hide my face so she won't see my tears it makes me so sad.  We do get to see a few buddies occasionally, but she loved her preschool class and our neighbors -- as did I.  Loved the city but also loving the benefits of living in Mayberry.  

Mack has been growing by leaps and bounds, and his feet are now a size bigger than Mimi's.  His hair keeps getting bigger also, but, no, Clint.  No, we are not cutting it.  Absolutely not open for discussion.  He has just started a new preschool at a public school that is crazy close to my house, and, oh my gosh, it is amaaaazing.  It is a class for kids with delays with lots of therapists and wonderful teachers.  They even have animal therapy with a doggie every Friday!  He is talking more and instead of screaming, "NO!" he politely says, "No thanks."  He's beginning to sit when he eats instead of dancing around the table.  I think he's even playing a little with the boys in his class, which is my favorite part of it all.  

And while I'm talking about Mack, I need to put something out there.  If you think there's something a little different about your toddler -- he's not talking as much as others, she's super sensitive to things that don't bother other kids, he avoids other kids or places, etc, etc -- PLEASE talk to your pediatrician and have the child observed for therapy.  It does not mean you have done something wrong.  Do not assume it is just a phase.  Do not blame it on their personality.  And if they find nothing, then you had nothing to lose.  But if they do see a delay or other issue, let them help!  It has made all the difference in our lives and I cannot get over how far Mack has come in one year.  You may have to fight for insurance to pay as one of my sweet friends just did or you may have to fight with your mother-in-law as another did, but your mommy and daddy intuition is usually right.  Every state and public school offers programs if you're concerned about money.  Therapists can even come to day care.  Please don't be the parent who does nothing and sees what happens.  Sorry, I had to do that because I wish someone had said this to me when Mack was even younger.  

Since he and Mimi are in school more, I thought I would have all this fantastic time to organize the house, sew some clothes, and actually cook dinner for once.  But every time I'm feeling a little cocky and like I have it all together, I totally flub up and miss something BIG.  Like on Friday when Mimi had a family day at school.  I know her teacher sent home notes and discussed it in the weekly newsletters, but somehow I TOTALLY missed it.  Didn't put it in my phone calendar or day planner.  Completely forgot about it after I saw the first note a few weeks ago.  She was quite upset and told me she was the saddest kid there.  Y'all . . . I was sick about this.  What a jerk.  Clint tried to make me feel better by telling me this probably won't be the first time -- WON'T BE THE FIRST TIME?  It better be the only time because I'm not missing anything in her life ever again.  Ever.  

Well, he's probably right, and we probably will mess up again.  So lesson learned.  Stop being so cocky.

Right Meemers?

Just when she thought she was winning . . .

Mr. Sharp Teeth showed her his surprise defense.

"OUCH!!!  Mack bit me!!"

It can be painful to learn lessons.

Wow, it feels like ages since I've seen that green grass in my yard.  Winter showed up early and showed up BIG this year.  This has been the craziest Chicago winter I've ever had.  School has been let out several times and we've had below zero temps much more than I care to discuss.  Oh, and then our boiler decided to get lazy on the coldest day I've ever experienced in my entire life.  How does 45 degrees in the kitchen sound?  It sounds awful, let me tell you.

Tasting the first snow back in November.

Although I'm not sure this fire puts off much heat, it sure is pretty.

Some of my family popped into Mayberry for Thanksgiving break, and many shenanigans ensued.

First "fast train" ride and it was magical.

Holy Moses, I seriously thought the little girl on the right was me.  

Wowzers, she looks exactly like I did at 5.

The Museum of Science and Industry is my favorite.  And Mimi's, too.

We also checked out one of those crazy wall-to-wall trampoline places, and we're huge fans now.  We even like the arcade.  "Mack, go faster!"

We do the Christmas tree thing the easy way and go to a local nursery.  My kids have serious fun running through the trees.

Wanna know how much the Olympic mom commercial makes me cry?  It's a bit ridiculous.  You know the one where the moms keep helping the babies up as they fall walking, as they're learning to ice skate, to snow board, to ski?  Oh my gosh, I'm tearing up as I type this.  If you have tissues handy, find it on You Tube right now.  I would post a link, but then I'd have to watch it over and over and I'm already a little dehydrated.  I heart that commercial so much.  Even Mimi wants to watch it again and again, and she loves to point out how proud the mommies are when the kids get up after they fall, just like she does.  Oh gosh, now I'm really crying.  

Raising my children in the Midwest means raising them to love winter sports.  Ice skating and skiing are something Southerners rarely do, but it's just like taking kids to a playground or the pool for us.  They need to learn early when their center of gravity is low and they aren't afraid of falling.  Mimi adores ice skating.  And boys in hockey uniforms.  Yikes.  She actually said to her little buddy, "Oh, Jay!  You look so handsome in your hockey costume!"    

And this little girl is FAST.  Just as fast as the middle schoolers.  I feel bad for the little boys who agree to race her and then she completely schools them.

When the weather isn't great enough for us to play outside, we have to find ways to entertain ourselves inside, which is hard.  Mimi colors on her paper.  Mack colors on his hand.

So Daddy brought home a new baby for us.

Meet Ruby Sue Darby.  Or as I like to call her -- Little Black Puppy.

Look at that face.  Those sweet eyes.  That fuzzy little beard.  You're baby-talking your computer screen right now, aren't you? 

We discussed getting a dog this summer when it would be warm for taking a puppy out a zillion times a day to house train.  But Clint ran across the Orphans of the Storm set up in the mall and couldn't leave this sweet thing there.  Little kids were squealing and jumping and poking at her and doing all the things one is absolutely not supposed to do with a dog, and little Ruby just sat there with her head cocked sideways and tail wagging.  And that's when he knew he had found our third child.

She is part Lab and part Schnauzer and part who knows what, and is beautiful and sweet and smart.  She adores children and is the greeter to everyone who enters our front door.  We taught her to sit in the first day and she's officially house-broken (once we got our act together and did it the right way).  My children have a new little friend who loves to play with them and snuggle with them on the couch.  She was an amazing traveler when we went south for Christmas.  My in-laws have a super shy little beagle rescue who is scared of his own shadow.  Ruby totally sensed this and took her time creeping over to him, sitting and wagging her tail, inching a little closer, and then letting the beagle get comfortable with her.  By the end of the day, they were besties.  LOVE, love, love this dog.    

Anyone want to come visit this weekend?  The beach is beautiful covered in snow :)

 And the pretty lagoons.  Must frame this one.

It's not the holidays without a homemade kitty sweater.

Snuggling on cold days.  Perfect Saturday.

I finally learned to ski.  I've always wanted to, but the beach calls my name around spring break so I kept putting it off.  Clint went skiing with some guys last spring and insisted I learn.  It is not easy to learn as an adult and it hurts like a whole lot when I fall, but just like the babies falling on ice skates I got up again (uh, tears), and I've found my new favorite winter sport.  I'm not very good although Clint insists I am (thanks, sweetie), but I love the challenge and the scariness of seeing a steep hill and knowing the only way I can safely get down is on skis.  No turning back.  We all need to scare the crap out of ourselves occasionally to feel alive, right?

The place we go in Wisconsin has a fun little indoor water park, so the kiddos got to do this.  I took Mimi for lessons a couple of weeks ago (ohmygoshtimeofherlife!!!), but I'll save that for the next post.

I refuse to join the rat race of the holidays.  As much as I love the commercial side of this Christian holiday, a few years ago I made myself stop feeling so dang obligated to do it just right.  The only thing I make myself get done early is Christmas cards.  I love getting them and I love sending them, so I force myself to put them together Thanksgiving weekend (but they don't get sent out until much later).  I use whatever pics I have saved on my computer and do not make anyone dress up or pose.  Because if you've ever seen someone try to make my family pose, it is a disaster.  Impossible.  Other than that, we get the tree when we feel like it, buy presents when we have time, and if something doesn't get done then oh, well.

Mimi wanted to wrap her own gifts.  Mack got a puzzle piece, I got an old video game, and Clint got a remote control we'd been searching for.

 Daddy insisted he be the one to attend Mimi's school holiday party, and she loooooved that he was there.

Sweet snuggle time Christmas morning.

A big, beautiful Christmas mess.

And then we stuffed them in the car and headed south.

Poking at a fire while sort of dangerous is also a lot of fun.

"Turn around, bright eyes . . . " he he he

Everyone should have an Uncle Bubba, and if you don't, then you should get one.  Mimi adores him.

Watch out for these two.

Mack's first trip to Huey's.

My sister just moved back to my hometown (can you believe it?) and bought this gazillion year old house that I adore, so we celebrated Christmas there.  And for the first time ever, ever, ever my entire immediate family was in the same place for about 4 hours.  It was a bit crazy but so fun and much needed.  Oh, and my sweet friend Elisha showed up with her camera and her mad photography skills. I'll post a pic when I finally get down to ordering them.  But my family is really, really cute.

Meemers with her cousin who is only a few weeks apart in age.

We enjoyed the fellowship . . . and our cell phones.  Seriously?  Can we not just watch the football game or play Scrabble or something?

 You're baby-talking your screen again, aren't you?  

With his ladies.

 Mimi is not living unless she's bossing someone around.

A fun slumber party with the girls.  Not sure how much sleep happened that night.

2013 was full of crazy changes and lots of love and a whole, whole lot of laughter.  Feeling quite thankful for my family, my friends, and even this dreadful stomach virus that is forcing me to sit on the couch and do nothing but go through old photos.  Now I need to watch that beautiful Olympic commercial and cry myself to sleep before getting the monkeys from school.

Happy New Year!

Love and Happiness

I've been busy chasing my tail for the past couple of months, and the poor blog has been neglected once again.  As it has been all year long . . . 

I had a bit of a slap back into reality today, and, my gosh, it feels good enough that I need to share.  It stung a little and I cried a little, but I know I needed it.  Maybe you'll feel a refreshing slap at the end of it all, too.

We all set expectations for our lives -- for our spouses, our jobs, our morning commutes, the guy behind the counter at a coffee shop.  Some expectations we can control but most we cannot.  Usually the really important ones we cannot control.  Like our children.

I was talking with a friend recently who just had her first baby.  She was sharing with me her difficulties in letting go of selfishness and control.  I told her it does get easier.  But I didn't tell her that it ever goes away.

I really just have a few expectations for my children:

1.  To be happy.
2.  To love and be loved by others.
3.  To be kind and thoughtful.
4.  To make smart decisions.

But I cannot control all of this.  As a parent I am supposed to guide my children in the right direction, but I can't control every little move they make.  I know this, but I've still been quite the A-hole to myself . . . and worst of all to Mimi.

Oh, little Mimi.  There's more personality and spunk in her left pinky toe than in most people I've ever met.  This kid is bound for greatness, but that doesn't mean she's easy to parent.  She does things the way she thinks they should be done and cares very little what others think about that, thank you very much.  Moving to a new place where she had no friends was a little bit more difficult for her than I expected, but she has transitioned even better than I have.  Other than telling a little boy at camp that he cried like a baby, but that's another story. . .  

I've been pretty rough on her and it's not all her fault.  She turned 5 a few weeks before kindergarten began, but I stopped seeing her as a girl who just finished being 4.  She is a kindergartener.  The expectations should change.  She should do things the first time I ask.  She should be able to get her boots on by herself.  She should be able to remember her sight words.  She should be able to subtract the apples from the bananas.  She should not scream and cry when she has to wait her turn.

And I should have done a better job at teaching her these things.  Or at least that's what I've been thinking.  I should be more patient.  I should know exactly how to turn a frustrating task into a game. I should set a better example for being independent.  But neither she nor I have been living up to these expectations, and I have been very, very ugly about it all.

This morning I had the first parent-teacher conference of the year with Mimi's fabulous teacher, and I was a bit nervous going in.  I was afraid to see how Mimi compares with her classmates.  Afraid to hear about her lack of attention or ability to follow directions (yes, I've been worried about ADD).  Afraid to hear that we may want to consider repeating kindergarten.  Y'all, I'm very serious.  Doing homework with this child makes me want to stick toothpicks in my eyes.  We're both so mad at the end of it that I would drink vodka straight if someone handed me a glass.  "Frustrating" doesn't even begin cover my emotions.  And this school district we're in is serious business.  Like 27 is the average ACT score at the high school.  The high school that has about 1,300 freshmen.  Seriously, shit just got real when I learned that.

Anyway, I didn't hear any of these things.  What I did hear was that Mimi is happy.  Happy every day and all day.  Happy to talk with everyone.  Happy to help others.  Happy to check on a classmate who is sad.  Happy to tell a silly story to make everyone laugh.  And that she has improved so much academically since the first week of school.  The teacher and her aide know they need to remind Mimi to stay on task from time to time, but they definitely aren't concerned.  She just turned 5.  She just finished being 4.  She's being just exactly what she's supposed to be.

And she's loved.  Her teachers love her, her after school instructors love her, and her friends love her. They love her personality and they love the way she treats others.  They love that she's making smarter decisions about listening and waiting her turn.

And that's really all I've ever wanted for her . . .

She's not perfect, but she's learned some good stuff in her short life.  She is listening to me and she is following some of my guidelines.  She's trying really hard to stay in the boundaries, but sometimes it's just so much fun to cross the border a wee bit.

So I'm backing off of her and myself once again, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  

I met a mom at a park recently, and we had a long discussion about the challenges with our sons.  She also has a son who as a toddler struggled a little to catch up because of sensory issues similar to Mack, and although she was working so hard with her therapists she still felt like a bit of a failure.  As she was pouring her heart out about this to her mother, her mom simply told her, "But no one is trying any harder.  No one."  And then she told me, "And no one is trying any harder than you are either."

I repeat this to myself occasionally when things just aren't turning out as I expected.  I am doing all that I know I can do for my children -- just as most moms are.  No one is trying any harder to raise our children than we are.  So let's quit beating ourselves up, mmkay?

What about this guy?

Whew, I don't even know where to begin with him.  Not even the same child as he was 4 months ago.    Every single day he does something that shocks me.  Today it was singing along with "Gangnam Style." Maybe that's not something you would be proud of, but for a kid who was barely speaking a few months ago this is kind of a big deal.  And no one even knows what that song is really saying, so I'm pretty impressed.  This is just a little progress we've made:

1.  Barely giving eye contact to his parents to giving eye contact to complete strangers and telling them, "Hi!"
2.  Not tolerating my singing (who can blame him) to singing along with every cartoon theme song after hearing it only once or twice.
3.  Shying away from all overwhelming social situations to finding a calming toy to play with in the middle of the chaos.    
4.  Staring at a toy car's wheels for long periods of time to actually playing with the car in a play garage, on the sidewalk, and all over the house.
5.  Not allowing anyone but immediate family to touch him to walking over to a new babysitter today to give her a hug as soon as he met her.
6.  Avoiding all children except his sister to telling a classmate, "Bye, Brendan" today.

If any of the beginning statements scream "autism" to you, you better believe they did to me.  His initial evaluation last December also screamed the A-word on paper, but his therapists quickly realized that wasn't it.  Mack was too overwhelmed and didn't know how to cope.  Hearing and seeing and touching was too much for him, and learning to communicate was the last thing on his agenda.  He just wanted to find a way to escape.  So he wasn't learning as he should for a about a year and a half.  But now he is and my word it is beautiful.

Yes, he is matching words with their beginning letter and lining them up in order.  "I do it myself, Mommy!"

Several friends have asked about adjustments we have made, and I'll share a few of those in case you also have a little guy like mine.  Some of these tricks work on all children (and adults) who get overwhelmed:

1.  I've reduced the language.  I don't say, "You need to put the banana peel in the trash before you can have your banana."  Say, "Peel in trash first.  Then banana."  Lots of "first, then" statements.
2.  If he's overstimulated, I match his excitement (or a little under) and slowly bring it back down.  I slow down movements and language and even lower my voice and calm my tone.
3.  I get on his level to speak to him.  I am squatting all the time.  I pick his toys that he's playing with off the floor and put them at eye level on the couch or coffee table.
4.  I gesture a lot because sometimes language is too much.  I pat the floor when I want Mack to sit by me.  I wave him toward me when I need him to come.
5.  I narrate his play, which annoys the crap out of me.  "Oh, I see your horse is climbing up, up, up the hill, and whoa, now he is sliding down, down. Crash!"  But it gives him some words to match his ideas and then he will begin to repeat this as he is playing.
6.  I ask questions that require him to use language.  "Do you want red or blue shoes?"  "Milk or juice?"  If he doesn't say any words after the third time I ask, then I give it up to not frustrate him.
7.  I make sure he has a way to get the sensory input he needs before going into a crowded or new place.  I let him push his large bean bag across the floor.  I ask him to help me push a chair across the kitchen.  I let him play at the park before we go into preschool.  I let him chew gummy snacks or drink a smoothie through a skinny straw (yes, he will probably have 85 cavities in his baby teeth).  Clint even makes Mack push him, which Mack thinks is soooo hilarious.
8.  I let him stand up when he eats.  This was hard for me at first because I'm Southern and we are supposed to teach our children to have impeccable table manners, but he has the wiggles.  And he actually eats his food, which is more than some people can say about their three-year-olds.
9.  If he begins to throw a fit out of frustration over something not happening the way he expects (block falls over, Buzz's wing keeps falling off), then I calmly say, "Aw, man" or "that makes me mad" or I simply sigh.  Sometimes he still throws his fit but sometimes he says, "Aw, maaaaan," and it's the cutest thing in the world.
10. This is the hardest -- I am patient.  I take deep breaths and remind myself that this is going to take a while.  He's already come so, so far since therapy began at the end of January.  He cannot learn if he is unregulated.  And he will not be regulated if he senses I am a nervous wreck.

And he is the prettiest little boy I have ever laid eyes on.

He's a fantastic snuggler.  I should know because he climbs in our bed every night, but we don't mind.  Mimi just stopped doing it, so I'm a bit sad knowing this may only last a couple more years.

He is crazy smart in some ways -- I'm pretty sure he can see how something is done once or twice and can then do it himself.  I can hide nothing from him because he sees everything I do.  He is fantastic at puzzles and letters and numbers.  He is already sounding out words and counting everything in sight.

He loooooves to dance.  The beginnings of cartoons are his favorites because of the music.  When the song is over, he always strikes a pose.  The dancing is a little Elaine-ish, so we're going to have to work on that . . .

Mack also loooooves his play therapy class and his preschool.  Neither are close to my house, so I am on the road all day, which is kind of wearing on me but so worth it.  And his teachers really love him, which makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Most importantly, my children adore each other.  This morning Mimi told Clint and me that after kindergarten she will go to college and then she will marry Mack.  We told her that a girl doesn't marry her brother.  She asked who she should marry, and I told her she will marry her best friend like I did.  She then said that Mack was her best friend so that is who she will marry.

About a year ago I wrote a post about how the pediatrician told me to pick up a copy of Bringing Up Bebe and sort of made me feel like Mimi was the reason that Mack wasn't talking.  The pediatrician felt that Mimi commanded so much attention that Mack didn't see the need to ask for any.  I'm mad at myself for even listening to her.  Because this girl is so good for him.

 
And Mack is such a blessing for Mimi.  Because of him she is thoughtful and caring.  She constantly checks on him and in return he comes running to her when she's upset.  "Mimi, you 'kay?  Aw, Mimi."  She chases him around the house and helps him get all his wiggles out.  He follows her around with her friends at the park, and she tells everyone, "Oh, he's just my little brother Mack and it's fine that he's playing with us.  C'mon, Macky."  She has no problem standing up for him when another child points out that he isn't talking much.  He's taught her that things aren't always fair, and she is learning to cope with that.  Sometimes he does get a little more attention and extra help when she doesn't.  We do have to sacrifice some things for him.  She doesn't always get her way, and more times than not she is being very understanding.  
 
So I am going to let them be 3 and 5 and quirky and wild and exactly who they are being . . . until I mess up and have to write a post like this again in a year . . .
 

Don't wake me if I'm dreaming . . .

Have you ever had one of those days when you need to be pinched?  

Not in a bad way but in a wake me up because there hasn't been a total disaster yet so I must still be dreaming kind of days.

The past couple of weeks I've been a bit on the cray-cray side.  I've been exhausted from lack of sleep thanks to a little guy who forgot how to snooze.  Laundry and dirty dishes seemed to be coming out of no where (along with more spiders).  The kids have had loads of parent orientations, kid only and no siblings allowed orientations, come fill out more paper work, stop by to register, just pop in for 15 minutes and get to know your teacher, and by the way it would be better if you come with no children or only one child.  Oh, and they all conflicted and happened during times that no sitter or husband was able to help.  But that's okay.  I worked everything out and we survived another week.  

So basically I've been having lots of stay at home mom probs, and I've been quite whiney about it.  But today has been a blessing because of great sleep and laundry catch-up over the weekend.  Everyone was happy and smiley this morning, and I feel like I can stop yelling.  Whew, I know two kids who like the sound of that.  I even made muffins for breakfast, y'all.  This day has to be a dream. 

Loads of boring things have been happening in our "new world" as Mimi calls it.  I keep thinking we're going to need to head back to reality in the city and then remember this isn't vacay.  We actually live out of the chaos now!  Yippee!  Here's the rundown:  Mimi turned 5, Mack turned 3 (I can't spend much time discussing this or I will cry), my parents visited, my sister's family visited, we've had city friends up for a barbecue (that's right.  I didn't say to "grill out."  I used the Midwestern terminology "a barbecue" and I didn't explode), we've met lots of new people, we've been to birthday parties, Mimi started kindergarten, and Mack started a playgroup therapy.  

And now on to all my sister will bother with.  The pics.

Enjoying the great outdoors and loving the yard.  By the way, I think more chipmunks live in our backyard than anywhere else in the world.  They're so stinking cute, and we've named them all Chippy.  Clint and I even made up a song for them that we sing whenever we see them.  "Chippy chip chip, chip chip chip . . ."  

Bubble man.  

Kapow!

Loads of popsicles.  Orange is Mack's fave.

Cheeeeeee!!!

This guy has really challenged my sanity a lot over the past few weeks, but my gosh that sweet, sweet smile and hilarious giggle keep me going.  He's not the best with transitions, so he's been overwhelmed and out of sorts and clingy and fussy and just a pain in the buns since the move.  But today is a good day, so I'm hanging on to that.

We're super close to the Botanic Gardens, and the kids love the cool train exhibit.  Mack doesn't understand why he can't climb over the fence . . . 

For the kids' birthdays, we bought bikes for ourselves.  That's right.  A bike for Clint and a bike for Jeri Anne.  Mimi told me that's what they wanted, and we said, "Cool."  The real reason she wanted the bikes was for the trailer.  

Mack's been catching some good z's on afternoon rides.

I thought about getting rid of the double stroller, but the monkeys still love it.  And they're totally not outgrowing at all.  Absolutely not.  Still fits them perfectly.  They're tiny, tiny, little babies who will never get bigger . . . 

A few days before kindergarten began some neighborhood kindergartners got together to meet and walk to each other's homes.  This little group was so stinking cute, and the moms are great!  Yay, me!  I'm pretty sure I would be the worst at making friends if it wasn't for Mimi.  Let me tell you, having an outgoing child is the best for finding buddies.  If you don't have a child, you should go and get yourself one.  Insta-coffee and GNO buddies!  Woo hoo!

Here we are.  First day of REAL school.  Kindergarten.  Stuff's about to get real, yo.

Why, oh, why didn't I take any good photos when the cousins were visiting??  This always happens.  We're having so much fun that the camera never comes out.  But what would you rather have?  Good memories or good photos?

Coco is so cute . . . and Mimi's stuffing her face . . . 

The big sis!  Yippee!!

I can't get over how fantastic the beach is.  Simply stunning.  And even better with this little guy running on it.

This one could sit in the sticky sand all.  day.  long.  Flops down belly first and digs and digs.  

Classmate's beach birthday party.  It was only 70 degrees (and a bit too windy, if you ask me), but the kids didn't seem to care.  

 Heaven.

Now back to hoping this beautiful dream can last a bit longer . . .