I Am NOT an Island

At least I hope not.  

Please tell me I'm not . . .

One of the best pieces of advice I can give any new mommy or to one adding a second child to the family is this -- make new friends.  You can keep the old ones, but go out of your way to find other women who have children around the same age as yours.  Not that they once had children the same age as yours but that they do right now.  Join a play group or strike up conversations at Little Gym.  You can't be shy.  Don't worry if those women who may have absolutely nothing in common with you other than they are also a SAHM or a working mom or a single mom or they have all girls or whatever.  Do NOT try to figure this thing out on your own.  I repeat, DO NOT TRY TO FIGURE OUT PARENTING ON YOUR OWN.

I am not only suggesting that you do this so that you can learn from others who are walking in shoes similar to yours, but you need to know that you are NOT crazy.  This shiz is hard.  You will have some seriously bi-polar ups and downs, and you are not alone.

I really, really, really from the bottom of my heart appreciate any feedback I get when I write about my crazy days.  I do lots and lots of moaning and groaning, and I'm relieved to hear that some of my girlfriends are going through exactly the same thing.  I love the advice or the unloading or whatever you need to do.  I started this  blog as a way to keep up with family and friends as my family grows, but I'm so glad it has turned into more for me.  

So I need to be reassured -- I'm really not an island, am I?  

I just noticed as I sat down to write this that I never published the last post, so I did.  And then I giggled at its tone -- Yay, me!  I was a great mommy today!  Because today is a bit different . . . 

Well, today is okay, but yesterday was complete crap.  See these sweet children below:

I had a lunch date with them at Bakin' and Eggs.

She begged me to let her help mop.  I mean begged.

  Don't they look so sweet and awesome in these two photos?  Well, they were sweet and awesome at moments . . . and then the rest of the day was complete mayhem.  The details aren't too important and they weren't being naughty, but they were complete nuts at lunch and fussy and whiney and loud and UGGHHHH for the rest of the day.  A mom actually gave Mack her child's Buzz Lightyear because he continuously screamed and pointed at it throughout lunch.  Basically, they were just little handfuls of crazy.  I did a great job of keeping my cool, which usually helps.  But it didn't help at all yesterday, and I was annoyed and embarrassed.  I thought it would be fun to make cookies with Mimi, but it ended with me basically shoving her out of the kitchen and making her watch a movie.  Yep, making cookies wasn't quite as sweet and fun as I thought.

And then Clint messaged to ask if it was cool if he went to dinner with a client.  Oh, holy crap.  Anyway, I convinced him he needed to be home because our children had kicked my butt today, and luckily he was able to get out of it.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about whether I'm really doing the best that I can as a mom during the years I'm able to stay home with my toddlers.  We love Chicago and all that it has to offer our family -- great museums, amazing parks, incredible public elementary schools, 3 high schools on my side of town in the Newsweek top 500, tons of toddler activities . . . but sometimes getting around and wrestling with the crowds is a bit overwhelming.  And then I think about our life in a suburb or small town and how some of our friends in the South have inexpensive Mother's Day Out options and big yards and cheap babysitting (well, relatively speaking).  Last night when I was having one of my "I'm so completely exhausted" moments, I began to question myself.  And then I woke up this morning and was fine.

Seriously, what's up with all the highs and lows?  Why can't parenting be the most amazing experience ever, like, all the time?

Sigh.  So I'll keep trying and learning and growing and talking and talking and listening a lot more than I talk.  Well, I don't know.  I do talk a lot . . .

I had a convo with a dear friend this morning who is very close to my little monkeys, and she pointed out that I am a big softie when it comes to disciplining Mimi.  What I'm doing might work with some children, but she needs serious boundaries because she's sneaky and witty.  Yep, this is so true.  We also talked about how I need to add some structure and keep them as busy as possible.  I needed this.

Then the discussion at my mom's group was about whether to add another child to the family or not while living in this big and busy city.  I thought about skipping this week just so no one could convince me that adding another is "such a joy."  Girls talked about having two or three children in a two bedroom house (The babies that sleep in pack 'n plays in the "big bathroom" were called "spa babies."  That makes me giggle), the struggles with teaching their little ones to act appropriately in public, learning the ropes with finding free museum days or the more affordable preschools (like that exists!), and working out a dinner schedule when no one has a husband who gets home before 6:30.

We do have some different challenges in the city, but everyone has some sort of challenges with trying to figure out how to survive parenting.  At least I can keep my kids in the stroller while I run some small errands to pick up more contacts or milk at the grocery and then the dry cleaners.  My head spins when I think about getting two wild monkeys in and out of a car a bazillion times a day.

Okay, now I have some frosted heart-shaped cookies I need to share with my wild children.  I think we've all earned a treat after being so sweet and structured and disciplined today. :)