Chin Up

Yesterday was bad.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

The weather was nice. My children were sweet and funny. My husband had a great day.

I was the one who was so bad.

Like so bad that I raised my voice and actually threw something and broke it. Wow. I don't think I've ever done that. My tone sounded like Darth Vader's. I had so much anger that flames could have burst out of my ears at any moment.

I usually try to giggle when things start to spin out of my control because I know that one day I will laugh at this, and I know that I am never actually in control of my world. But I had absolutely zero control over anything. Nothing. And so I lost my shiz. A lot.

I could pinpoint a bazillion things that happened -- Mimi was exhausted but refused to nap. Mack ran as I was changing his diaper and pooped in the floor. Some dumbass parent didn't shut the gate at the park, so Mimi and a buddy escaped and ran toward a busy intersection. After cleaning up all the pine needles in the floor after removing decorations and lights, Mimi grabbed my broom and scattered them EVERYWHERE. And then immediately did it again. And again. Both of my kids were extremely picky eaters at dinner. And the list could go on and on and on.

Now that I have it typed up in front of me it all seems a bit silly. I'm embarrassed that I couldn't control my emotions. I'm angry that I broke my favorite dust pan. I'm sad that Mimi saw me make a complete jerk of myself.

God gave me these specific children for a reason. I'm sure of it. And it's time like these that I begin to see a glimpse of why.

When my tone turned angry, Mimi started imitating it, roared at me, and then told me that she also wanted to play monsters.

When I threw the dust pan and broke it, she told me I needed to play nicely with my toys so I don't break them. Then she said I should go to time out and think about it.

When my two children were running around screaming like wild monkeys at the park with another little girl, her mom told me, "Wow, they are little daredevils. I love their energy! Aren't they so entertaining and fun? My daughter is having a blast with them."

Mack had at least ten serious giggle fits last night. Like I thought I might tee tee in my pants giggle fits. And he and Mimi really played together well. When it was his bedtime, she begged for me to let him play with her longer. Melt me.

So, chin up, Jeri Anne. Today is a new day. A better day. Snow is coming and everything should be clean and white and pretty by tonight. I'm going to let yesterday go and force myself to giggle . . .