I'm also not talking about how a pregnant woman's need for food and sleep can completely control her life. Since I was about 4 weeks pregnant, all I have been thinking about is what my next meal will be and how I might be able to sneak in a few z's during the day or get in bed early at night. While I was still working, I ate breakfast early in the morning, ate another breakfast around 10:15, tried to sneak home for a 30 minute nap during lunch, then ate again as soon as I could . . . and then begged Clint to have an early dinner the second he walked in the door. And then I snacked before bed. If I couldn't get food in me as soon as possible, I was extremely nauseous and irritable. If I didn't get enough sleep at night, I was also nauseous and irritable. The same still holds true. It is 11:00PM and I just got the sudden craving for cupcakes. I have no cupcakes, so what's a girl to do? I opened the fridge and noticed Mimi's cake from about 2 weeks ago is still sealed in the box. Score. And after I cut off the dry outside layer and consumed every morsel that had any moisture left in it, this was the result. Ugly, I know.
No, not talking about the physical side. I'm talking about the mental side. The crazy, irrational, moody, bi-polar side of pregnancy. With Mimi I found myself a little more emotional and sentimental. I cried every time I saw a baby or small child, or a puppy, or a flower garden. Everything was so sweet and perfect and wonderful to me because I was about to bring a new child into this world. I was clingy to Clint and really patient and sweet with my dogs.
But this little boy has thrown my emotions into overdrive, making me at times a very, very ugly person. Maybe it's all his testosterone. I'm impatient, defensive, accusatory, and just plain hateful. And I have zero control over this, I promise. Let's just look at some of the highlights:
1. The encounter with a driver at the intersection of Hwy 64 and Germantown Pkwy. A lady, I mean a female (she was no lady), slammed on her brakes in front of me, my foot slipped a little on the brake and I "tapped" her bumper. We both pulled to the side of the road, I exited out of the driver's side since traffic was terrible, and quickly checked to make sure there were no damages, which there weren't. The other driver almost caused another wreck by attempting to exit from the driver's side and while I was apologizing and letting her know there was no damage, she began yelling at me and asking if I EVER watch the road. I didn't take to this well and gave her a very sophisticated answer of, "No ma'am, I just look down and hope I can keep it between the lines." After she inspected the bumper of her 1990 Taurus with a fine-tooth comb, she told me she wouldn't report me "this time." Of course she got another earful from me on the side of the highway as I tried to explain that she slammed on her brakes, I tried to apologize, and forgiveness is obviously a virtue she didn't possess. Then I told her she should try getting back in her car on the passenger's side so she didn't cause another wreck. Of course, this was really all my fault and she could have totally reported me. But I got in the last word, therefore, I won.
2. The Dyersburg Wal-Mart jerk pharmacist. You can read about that one here. In a nutshell I felt completely threatened by a 5'4" middle-aged pharmacist and totally took out my anger on a skinny little teenage girl who cut line in front of me. Somebody had it coming.
3. The 82-year-old woman in my hotel lobby in Paducah. This is one of my all-time favorites, by the way. If you've kept up with some of my posts, you know that I had to travel to Paducah, Kentucky, about once a month for my job, and it was never a pleasant experience for me. I tried to have a positive attitude, but I always had something terrible happen. One bright spot for me was eating breakfast in the Courtyard. They had a great selection, I never felt rushed to eat in a hurry, and they always had Good Morning America or the Today show on so I could catch up on some news and gossip. On this particular morning, I had the perfect table right in front of the TV and was enjoying Meredith and Ann's conversation with Matt. Suddenly an older lady and her husband sat in some chairs in front of the TV, snatched up the remote, and turned it to, get ready for this, Fox news. Grrrrr.
I HATE news channels. I don't care which one, but I especially hate Fox. Everyone except Shepherd annoys the piss out of me, and their stories are just so stinkin' self-righteous. And it's even worse since a liberal is in office. Now don't get me wrong -- the liberal stations are terrible when a conservative is in office, and I hate this equally. They all have the "they're out to get us and the world as we know it is coming to an end" attitude. Scare tactics. And my dad buys into all of them, which is just another thing altogether that I can complain about. Anyway, so this woman turned the TV, and it didn't matter what she turned it to, I, along with others in the restaurant, were watching the Today Show.
I wasn't sure if she realized what she had done or not, so I kindly asked her if she had turned the channel because others were already watching TV. She pretended that she couldn't hear well and inched over to my table. She could definitely hear me, but she wanted to come closer to intimidate me. I asked again, and she said that of course she turned it. I told her that there were several people watching the Today Show, and she said that she refused to watch the Today Show. Her husband asked what was going on, and she replied, "Liberals. I don't care for liberals."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!!! Good. Grief. She totally had it coming. "Ma'am, politics is NOT the issue here. Common courtesy is -- you turned a TV without asking anyone else. And DO NOT accuse me of being a liberal. You DO NOT know me."
To which the old bat replied, "I'm 82-years-old. Don't tell me I don't know anything."
"Well, you obviously haven't learned that the world doesn't revolve around you because you are being very rude and selfish." Oh, yes, I did. And then I just sat there all red-faced and irritated for the rest of my breakfast . . . and listened to her stupid comments about every single ridiculous story that Fox news deemed worthy.
4. The day I was invisible. Not really, but I was beginning to feel that maybe I had died and my ghost was walking around and no one could see me. This strangeness began as I was trying to pull into a parking lot at Baptist Hospital. I was taking a right into the lot and the car facing me that was taking a left into the lot totally cut in front of me. As soon as I found a spot, I turned on my blinker and patiently waited for the person to leave when the same car whipped into the spot from the other direction. Okay, maybe it was just early and I was being slow -- I tried to not get too upset. The driver exited the car at about the same time as I was walking past her, so we had to walk very close to each other through the lot to the building. Once we got to the building I was a little in front of her, but she took some quick steps to grab the door first and did not bother holding it for a second for me to grab it. Then the elevator was the same story . . . then the door of the doctor's office. She cut me off at every chance possible, and the only explanation was that I was invisible. She wasn't blind or she couldn't have maneuvered her car so well. I was at least 5 inches taller than her and about 7 months pregnant, so how could she have not noticed me?
This is when I'd had enough. I was so glad the line to sign in was very long, which meant she would have to wait. But me, I didn't have to wait. She was totally blocking the way to get around the sign-in desk, so I had no other option than to bump her with my computer bag to get her out of the way. "Excuse ME," I said as I leaned in to her to make sure that she indeed had to move out of my way. For the first time she finally was forced to look me in the eye, and I just stared at her until she had to take a few steps back. Hmmph. That's what I thought. And she was still sitting in the waiting room on my way out.
Okay, so enough is enough. As you can tell, I've turned into a complete jerk. I could go on and on with stories about my awful road rage and sailor-tongue and completely losing my patience with Clint, Mimi, and the dogs. I could tell you the story about the phone conversation with a nurse who tried to intimidate me, and how in the end I'd made sure she felt ridiculous. Seriously, what have I become? This is NOT me.
Am I the only one who's had this happen when being pregnant with a boy? One friend told me that I've always been too forgiving and understanding, and now that I'm pregnant with a boy I'm finally growing a . . . well, you can finish this line. I don't think acting like this makes me a strong person -- I think it makes me appear weak as if I can't control my emotions. I have always felt strong because I can control my tongue and am slow to anger. I try to not let others get to me, and I try to remember that I don't always know what struggles others are going through. So my hope is that these crazy emotions go away soon after I have this little boy. I also hope this isn't representative of what little Mack will be like -- I'm guessing it's not.
So here I am at the end of my second pregnancy, and other than the emotional breakdowns and some morning sickness I really have had two good pregnancies. Baby Mack will arrive in 7 days at the latest, and I am trying really hard to focus on the miracle that is about to happen rather than my constant need to bite someone's head off. I'm so, so tired, always hungry, and am having a hard time moving around and chasing Mimi, but, my word, my body is making a baby. How cool is that? It may be a little too late, but I have one week to change my attitude . . . I'll keep you posted.
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